I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
