Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Found the puke drawer
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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