Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
