I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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