I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize