just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
