that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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