So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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