Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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