WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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