The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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