My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
