he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
