the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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