I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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