Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I've blown a few things in my day
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
