The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize