He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
