So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
