I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
