The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
we're so committed to being not committed
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
