Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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