I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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