there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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