How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
