You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
