Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
