someone threw a dead crab at me
kristin has been a bad kristin
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
