Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
handjob tips. give me some.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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