Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
