You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
