Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
