I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow