The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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