You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
