Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
