Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
