singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
