The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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