dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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