someone get that fucking seahorse.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
