Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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