The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
