Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
