So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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