do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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