Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
