my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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