Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
