While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
