so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have started to decorate penises.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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