That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
