By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
