I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I stole a fireplace last night.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
