I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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