i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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