careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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