let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
