We need to start having sex underwater more often.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You need a sexual gate keeper
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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