i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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