No stitches, just platelets and will power
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
