9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
