Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
