My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
