I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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