i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
