nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
