These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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