so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize