...so i touched it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It all started with a game of naked twister.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
