Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
