Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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