this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
