Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
