everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
