hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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