I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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