Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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