When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
