It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
