Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
