evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
