I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
