I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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