The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
